


Anything You Can Do, Magnus Does Better

by mansikka



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Drunk Alec, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 11:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17486906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: It's not that Alec doesn't want to be part of the celebrations for Underhill's upcoming wedding. It's that he'd rather not be going to hisbachelor partyalone. True, Izzy, Jace, and Clary will be there with him, but Magnus is working.  Alec would prefer to be home for when he's finished instead.As the evening progresses Alec gets more drunk and can only think of Magnus. Wouldn't everything be so much better if Magnus was there?





	Anything You Can Do, Magnus Does Better

Alec signs the last of the documents he has to get ready for the Clave, slumping back in his chair with a groan. It hasn't been the worst of days, yet what he wants more than anything is to leave the Institute, walk home, and jump into a bath with Magnus. He knows Magnus isn't even home yet and won't be for hours, so even now when he has to go home to shower and get ready, he doesn't get the reprieve of seeing him. Not even for a couple of minutes.

"Are you done?"

Alec cracks one eye open to find Jace coming through the doorway, unclipping his thigh holster while he's walking towards him, holding his stele between his teeth.

"Izzy's gonna kill you if you drop another one of those," Alec says, pushing himself to his feet.

"Yeah, well. I didn't, see?"

Alec ducks back from the stele being brandished in his face and grabs his jacket, giving his desk a cursory glance over as he shrugs into it. Given how _unpleasant_ tomorrow morning might be for a few of the people working Alec is glad he insisted everyone was up to date today, so their schedules could be lighter.

"Okay. I'm going home."

"Be quick," Jace says as he walks out with him. "Said we'd be there for eight."

"There's plenty of time. And how did we get talked into doing this?" Alec adds, even though he doesn't begrudge Underhill a moment of it. He's one of the best Shadowhunters on his team, and over the last couple of years has become a good friend.

"Because. Bachelor parties are a right of passage."

"Yeah. For _Mundanes_."

"Lighten up," Jace says, slapping him on the arm with the back of his hand. "Just 'cos _you_ had two of 'em—"

"Hey. First one doesn't count," Alec protests, and it doesn't. His almost-marriage to Lydia and all the things that lead to it are still things he pushes to the furthest corners of his mind. Though he's grateful to Izzy for forcing him and Jace to talk when they couldn't back then, even if he doesn't want to think about it now.

"And the second? C'mon, Alec, you _liked_ that one."

Alec thinks back to his _actual_ Bachelor's Party absently squeezing his wedding ring as he does and breaking out into a smile. There had been laser tag and go-karting, followed by an evening at a bar eating burgers and getting drunk. Simon had been the one to help Jace organize it, which Alec still finds hilarious for remembering Jace's complaints. It couldn't have been a better send-off into married life for him; not that he wasn't more than ready to marry Magnus, of course.

"That was different."

"Yeah, whatever," Jace says with a derisive snort. "I'm gonna go get ready."

Alec waves him off and makes his way out of the Institute, gazing wistfully in the direction he'd planned on walking then activating his Runes to more quickly get him home.

* * *

As he takes a shower Alec reassures himself that this evening is not going to be like the Bachelor Parties Clary has delighted in telling him about. Underhill is like him in a lot of ways, preferring a quiet life and letting his guard down only in the most intimate of company. There is nothing in his behavior to suggest that tonight would be anything outrageous. Alec steps out of the shower satisfied he has nothing to be worrying about, and chides himself for even getting close to being in a mood.

He walks back through to the bedroom still toweling his hair, opening up his closet in search of something to wear. He laughs when he sees the outfit on a hanger at the front of it with a post-it from Magnus that reads _wear this_ on the sleeve of the shirt. He does this sometimes, when he knows Alec is anxious about somewhere he is going, trying to take any level of stress out of it for him in any way he can.

Magnus is in Mexico meeting with the High Warlock there, otherwise he'd be coming to the Bachelor's Party himself. When he'd realized that his schedule would be overlapping Magnus had insisted on taking Underhill and his fiance out for dinner to make up for it. Alec laughs out loud remembering Underhill's face at the size of their meal.

Alec sends Magnus a message telling him he hopes he's not working too hard, then inspects the fridge looking for something quick to eat. With no idea about the evening's plans or even much about the venue it's being held in, Alec has no clue if there will be food or not. So he fixes himself a sandwich carefully eating it over the sink so he doesn't get crumbs or dressing on his shirt, then equally carefully brushes his teeth.

Izzy messages him then, putting a scowl on his face for telling him not to show up in a mood. She might have a point since he spent almost a full hour in the weapons room earlier complaining about strippers and silly string, irked every time that she laughed at him for it. But Alec is happily convinced the evening is not going to turn out like that at all. He sends back a far more cheery message than he knows she's expecting, checks his appearance in the mirror, then heads out the door.

* * *

This place seems _busy_. Alec walks in immediately seeking out a familiar face, wincing because everything seems so loud. He's pleased to see so many people from the Institute either here or arriving behind him, making a beeline through the crowd when he sees Jace and Clary stood over at the corner of the bar.

"You made it," Clary says with a warm smile that Alec echoes, nudging back when Izzy comes to stand by his side.

"Here. I thought you'd be here soon," she says, handing Alec one of the shots she's just been to order. Alec looks at the laden tray that takes up almost the full space of the table top, and thinks it's going to be a very long night.

He's had a sandwich, Alec thinks, wincing from the burn in his throat from whatever is in the glass. He'll be _fine_.

* * *

Alec is _not fine_.

Though it's not because of the amount of alcohol he's drunk since walking into the bar, it's everything else. Alec had no idea that Underhill knew so many people, but there are so many people here he's not sure how they all crammed in. The music isn't exactly something he would dance to, and even if he did he'd probably elbow someone in the face unintentionally for having no room. There is nothing to eat so Alec is pleased that he had his sandwich. Everywhere just looks a little too _bright_. And aside from anything else, Magnus isn't here to keep him company. Without him here, everything just seems that little bit too _loud_.

Alec nods in thanks for the round of drinks he's just ordered, carefully carrying the tray back to the table they've found. There are no seats which is ridiculous, the four of them perched around the smallest table surface in the whole of New York, daring not to move too far in case they spill something.

"What've we got?" Jace asks as he picks up one of the shot glasses, the four of them clinking them together before downing them in one.

"I'm not sure," Alec says, dropping his glass back to the tray before picking up the bourbon that has become his favorite. "I just pointed and asked for four. And then four more."

"You don't do shots with Magnus?" Jace asks, grimacing at his own drink.

"Oh, I do. But I just drink them. Magnus orders."

"Everything?"

"Obviously not _everything_ ," Alec retorts, mock-glaring at his parabatai. "I just don't have any preferences when it comes to shots."

"Right."

"Magnus says I'm a gin… guy."

"Of course he does," Jace agrees, smiling behind his glass.

"He _does_ ," Alec insists. "It's because whatever cocktails we make at home I like the ones with gin in more than anything else."

"I'll bet you're used to places a little more classy than this," Clary says in what Alec thinks is an attempt to keep the peace.

It's not _that_ bad a place, Alec thinks with a quick glance around the bar. It's no Pandemonium, obviously, but neither is it trying to be. Magnus might even call it _charming_ if he were here to see it, which Alec doesn't say out loud.

"Oh. We go to all kinds of places, good _and_ bad."

"So you're admitting that this place is _bad_ ," Izzy tells him, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

"I'm not—"

"Okay. Drink up!"

Alec turns to the bellowing voice to find a man balanced precariously on a chair, who is clearly a relative of Underhill's. He thinks he remembers Underhill mentioning that a cousin was organizing tonight. Alec hasn't even _spoken_ to Underhill yet, catching the back of his head as he passes being dragged around the room.

"We're moving on," the man adds when he has everyone's attention.

Alec quickly knocks back his drinks waiting for Clary, Jace, and Izzy to do the same, following them outside and joining the crowd. They don't have too far to walk as they all pour into a club a couple of minutes later, this place high-ceilinged and spacious, and much more to Alec's liking. Even the music is better; Alec finds himself swaying a little at the bar when he offers to go up to get them more drinks when the boiler tubes of whatever drinks they were handed on the way in are gone. Not that it was much of an _offer_. Izzy shoved and said that he was taller so would get noticed first, which makes no sense to Alec at _all_.

"You looking for someone to dance with?"

Alec turns to look at the man beside him, catching as he checks him out. By the time his eyes reach Alec's he has a glare waiting for him and accompanies it with a firm shake of his head.

"No. Not right now. And besides, it's pretty early for dancing."

"You don't dance before midnight, or something?" the man asks, leaning against the bar and studying him.

"Well. It's not midnight—"

"Not for another couple of hours," the man agrees, giving him a wink that Alec decides is lewd.

Alec opens his mouth to speak but doesn't say anything, trying to work out how two hours have passed already. "Well. In any case. No dancing."

"Not even just one?"

It isn't all that often someone hits on Alec this hard but he's not enjoying it much. He signals for the bartender silently pleading with him to hurry up. "I came with people."

"Oh, I do that too," the man says, biting down on his lower lip and really  _looking_ at him.

"I am a happily married Magnus. _Man_ ," Alec says correcting himself quickly, thanking the bartender for his drinks and practically running back to where Izzy is waiting.

"See? You were much quicker than I would have been," Izzy says as she accepts her drink and laughs for how quickly Alec drinks his own.

"Where are Jace and Clary?"

"Dancing," Izzy says nodding over Alec's shoulder.

" _Seriously_? What is it with people dancing?"

Izzy stares back at him curiously, and Alec doesn't like the look of the comment he thinks is forming on her tongue. He swallows back the rest of his drink, and since Jace is _dancing_ , takes his as well.

* * *

It's so warm in here. Alec is thankful Magnus picked him out an outfit that means he can roll up his sleeves, pushing them up past his elbows as far as they will go. Izzy dragged him up to dance maybe an hour ago, with Jace teasing him for having all sorts of new moves. He's danced with a number of people though is thankful that the guy from the bar is nowhere in sight.

Alec loves dancing, especially with Magnus and they're in _that_ kind of mood. There are dancefloors the world over where he and Magnus have got lost in one another, trading kisses and getting handsy with no interest in anyone else in the room. It feels strange being on a dancefloor without him, Alec realizes, squeezing Izzy's hands when she asks him to dance again.

"I need a drink," he calls over the joyful roar for the song that is starting, just about catching her shake her head before she disappears into the crowd.

Alec grips tight to the bar when he sits on a stool and nearly misses, waving for the bartender's attention and not even having to tell him what he wants. He likes it here, Alec decides, precariously turning so that he can watch the people. He smiles for the nudge to his elbow for seeing Underhill slumping down by his side.

"Hey," he says, leaning against his shoulder. "Great party."

"Thank you for coming."

"Wouldn't miss it," Alec tells him, holding out his glass for him to clink against.

"Yeah."

"You're not enjoying yourself?" Alec asks, hearing the surprise in his own voice.

"Well," Underhill says, pausing as he sips at his drink as though trying to think of the right words. "I would have opted for something… smaller. But, so long as everyone is having a good time, that is all that matters."

"It's _your_ night," Alec insists, " _you're_ the one that should be enjoying yourself, not us."

"I'm not sure if it works like that."

"Well it _should_."

"I'm not having a _bad_ time. There are just… more people than I would have expected. And one or two I wouldn't have invited at all."

"Oh?"

Underhill nods, getting Alec's attention to look across the bar. The guy that had been leering over Alec earlier is now doing the same to somebody else. "Him, for example."

"Who is he?"

"I have no idea," Underhill says, sighing and taking a sip of his drink. "I assume a friend of my cousin's. He's… I don't think I like him. I don't think _that_  guy likes him either."

"He's repulsive," Alec agrees, "I don't know why he thinks he's so charming coming on to people like that."

"Oh, you too?" Underhill asks, laughing.

"What's that thing where you feel like you're being undressed by somebody's eyes?" Alec asks, snapping his fingers as he tries to remember the word for it.

"I don't know. But he was definitely doing _that_."

"Such an _ass_."

"Oh. He both _is_ that, and _felt_ that."

"What?" Alec says, spinning on his chair and knocking into Underhill's knee as he does, both of them having to steady themselves on the bar. Underhill shrugs and Alec is incensed. This is his _Batchelor's Party_. How dare this stranger do anything to ruin it for him by being so gross?

"It happens."

"But this is _your night_ ," Alec tells him, full of indignation for his friend. He's about to suggest they speak to this guy or throw him out or something, when there is a sound that Alec thinks is supposed to be an announcement yet to him sounds more like a fire alarm.

Underhill, the wuss, tries to hide behind Alec's shoulder when his name is called out. Alec lets him do it for all of five seconds before he's spluttering for the silly string in his face; as is half the crowd. He grimaces for the taste of it, laughing as Underhill is led away by his cousin looking mortified. A spotlight appears in the middle of a small stage area Alec hadn't noticed since arriving, and Underhill is sat down on a chair just in front of it as everyone crowds around.

Alec feels something being slid into his hand and looks down to find a can of silly string. He watches other people point the nozzles in the air and string fly in every direction, uncapping the canister and joining in. Soon they are all in a tangled, colored mess, and the music in the bar is changing, seeming to shift behind the stage.

"C'mon, Alec. You'll wanna see this," Jace says appearing out of nowhere, wrapping a hand around his upper arm and tugging him to his feet.

"See what?"

Jace just looks at Alec like he is an idiot which Alec doesn't like much at all. Though he willingly lets himself be led through the crowd until they're closer to the stage, and Alec waits to see what all the fuss is about.

Alec doesn't mean to groan quite as hard as he does when four men walk on to the stage, though he must be pretty loud for Jace bursting out laughing and elbowing him in the stomach. The men, objectively, aren't all that bad-looking, yet there isn't a guy in the room who will ever compare to Magnus.

Alec holds his tongue on his thoughts about _that_ since Izzy and Clary are joining them with further drinks in hand. Alec raises the bottle of whatever it is she's given him to inspect it and thinks it might be some kind of cider but can't be sure.

"Why are we watching this?" he asks, as Izzy tucks her arm through his own.

"You know why we're watching this."

"No. I really don't."

"Oh, Alec—"

"No," he insists, nodding towards the stage. "No one wants to see this."

"I'd say half the people in this room absolutely want to see this. I'm one of them," Clary says with her phone at the ready, ignoring the scathing look she receives from Jace.

Alec sighs and drinks so he can't say anything he shouldn't, watching the men as they begin their routine. They can't even _dance_ like Magnus, Alec thinks, watching the way one of them starts cavorting. Aren't strippers supposed to have some kind of rhythm or something?

" _Alec_ ," Izzy hisses, though when he looks her eyes are filled with laughter. Did he say that out loud?

"What?"

"Don't be mean."

"I'm _not_ being mean," Alec protests, unimpressed with the accusation. "But if they're gonna do what I think they're gonna do—"

"Oh," Clary says, "they are definitely going to do _that_."

"—then shouldn't they be better at what they're doing?"

"They haven't even taken any clothes off yet," Jace protests, far more defensively than Alec thinks is necessary.

"Since when are you interested in this kind of thing?"

"I thought _you_  might be interested in _this kind of thing_."

"Okay. Firstly," Alec says, working up a good mad at his parabatai for apparently thinking he is something he isn't. " _This_? This isn't me at _all_."

A man behind Alec ducks for the violent wave of his arm to get his point across. Alec thinks a sorry in his direction as he disappears into the crowd.

"Alec—"

"And _secondly_ ," Alec adds, indignant that he has to even say this. "Have you _seen_ my husband?"

"Yes, Alec," Jace says, his sigh audible even over the noise, "we _have_ seen your husband. Like, a billion times."

"Exactly. So why would I wanna see any of these guys naked, huh?"

"Alec. Keep your voice down."

"I will _not_."

"Just… shush a minute, would you?" Jace says turning to stare at him.

"What. You afraid you're gonna _miss_ something, Jace?"

Izzy squeezes Alec around the waist and nudges against his arm, silently telling him to keep quiet. Or maybe she's laughing into his arm for the way she seems to be trembling. Alec can't be sure but gives her a quick squeeze in solidarity either way.

"I'm just saying," Alec says, taking a swig from his bottle. "There could be a hundred women about to be getting naked up there and you've got Clary _right here_. Why would you even wanna look?"

"Oh, _I'd_ look," Clary says, grinning without even glancing in their direction, far too interested in what's happening on the stage.

Jace opens his mouth and closes it again, with a suspicious glare for them all.

"Look at the _stage_ , Jace," Alec tells him, nudging against Jace's shoulder until he turns around.

" _Looking_."

"And anyway," Alec says, his brain catching up to Jace's earlier words, "what's this about you seeing _Magnus_ a billion times?"

"Of course we've seen him a billion times, Alec."

"Are you implying that you've seen Magnus _naked_?" Alec demands, uninviting any of them to stay with them ever again. What are they doing anyway; peeking at Magnus when he takes a shower when he's not there, or something? Disgusting behavior, Alec thinks to himself, incensed at the family members around him.

"Dude, _no_ ," Jace says turning round to grimace at him at him in horror. Alec is deeply, deeply offended.

"What's _that_ look for?"

"He's my—he's… _our_ brother-in-law, Alec. Naked Magnus is entirely your area of expertise."

"Damn right it is," Alec agrees, bewildered that Izzy is laughing so hard. Or perhaps she's crying; there is mascara leaking down over her cheeks, and when Alec forces himself to focus properly he sees there are tears in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Izzy tells him, grinning like she's having trouble not laughing again.

"You know," Alec says, reaching to thumb her mascara away as he's done a hundred times with Magnus. "Magnus puts this stuff on when he wears eyeliner and mascara that stops all this bleed. He can probably get you some if you ask him."

Great, Alec thinks, turning away in exasperation and wiping his thumb on his jeans, now Izzy looks like whatever she's finding funny is about to make her explode. He watches the strippers on the stage with disinterest, feeling painful empathy for Underhill when one steps down and starts gyrating in his face.

"I hope they washed."

 _"Alec_ ," Jace hisses, as Izzy falls about laughing again.

"I'm just saying," Alec says, shrugging. "Magnus always puts on this powder when he wears leather pants that smells amazing. I bet _they_ didn't."

"Are you saying you'd prefer to see _Magnus_ up there shoving his crotch in Underhill's face?"

Alec needs a second to compose himself before answering, so he doesn't say anything _too_ mean. "I am _not_ ," he retorts, "I'm just saying—"

"Would you prefer it was Magnus up there stripping for the whole world to see?" Jace adds, and Alec's brain freezes for a memory of Magnus at the foot of their bed doing just that. Then remembers doing the same for _him_ in a hotel room in Paris, and what happened after, and loses the thread of the conversation altogether.

" _Earth to Alec_ ," Clary calls out gracing Alec with a look in his direction before turning back to the stage.

Jace is still staring at him with his eyebrows continuously rising, and Izzy's asked a passing bartender for a glass of water. Alec has no idea what's going on.

"Do I wanna know what you're smiling so hard about?" Jace asks, and once again Alec thinks of that hotel room, discreetly clearing his throat and glancing around the room.

"I'm good."

"You sure?"

"You just watch your strip show," Alec says, reaching out to pat Jace on the shoulder, turning away again to return to the bar. He hears an exasperated snort of laughter behind him but is far too busy deciding what next to drink.

* * *

"He's all yours; you deal with him," Jace says, half-shoving Alec in the back as they meet Magnus outside the club hours later, with Alec happily landing in his arms.

"You didn't have to come get us," Alec says as he crowds ever closer getting kisses to every bit of skin he can.

"Alexander," Magnus says in that soft, beautiful amused tone he uses when Alec's done something he thinks is entertaining. "Did you have a good evening?"

"It was alright," Alec says, gripping on to Magnus' waist to steady himself; it must be windy or something, because Alec keeps feeling like the ground is lurching up at him.

"What did I miss?"

"I'm _hungry_ ," Alec announces, slotting his hand through Magnus' and hoping he'll not mind him leaning a little as they find somewhere to eat. He only had that sandwich, and now Alec thinks he could eat about ten of them. "Can we get Subway, or something? Something dirty."

"You missed Alec drinking half the bar," Jace mumbles just enough for Alec to hear him.

Magnus squeezes him tight into his side. "So I see."

"And trying to pick a fight with strippers."

"I did _not_ ," Alec protests, scandalized at the accusation. He leans into Magnus a little more when he swirls his thumb against his hip, and because he _can_ , he pouts.

"Alec was critiquing their routine. And hygiene. And… everything, actually," Clary says, linking arms with Izzy as they walk.

"Magnus. If you're too tired we can just go home," Alec says, remembering that Magnus was just in Mexico, and the sudden urge for torta cubana making his mouth water. He smiles to find Magnus staring at him adoringly and wonders how he got this lucky in his life.

"Why don't I portal us all home and we eat together there?" Magnus suggests, gesturing that they get off the sidewalk out of sight.

"You're not too tired?" Alec whispers, thinking Magnus must have been up for so many hours today. He doesn't look _too_ tired, he thinks, but if Alec's honest he can't really focus his eyes. The streetlights are weird like that sometimes.

"No, no. It will probably be better for all of us."

"No _peeking_ ," Alec insists then, slapping Jace on the shoulder, and when he turns to look at him giving a glare.

"No peeking at what?"

"Don't act all innocent with me," Alec says, not believing the bewildered look on his face for a minute. "Magnus. You can't shower when we have company. Not when _they're_ there. Obviously, before is okay. Just… you know."

Alec knows Jace's eyes are flaring wider and wider in surprise, he _knows_ they are; even if he can't really see it for himself. He feels Magnus turn his head and is sure he makes eye contact with Jace. People are always so strange when they've been drinking, Alec thinks, snuggling tighter into Magnus' side.


End file.
